Marriage Monday: Created to be His Help Meet

After creating Adam, God stated that it was not good for man to be alone, and he created the solution to this problem -- Eve!

"And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make an help meet for him."  (Genesis 2:18)

Thus, He created Eve as the compliment, the completer, the helper that man needed to fulfill the tasks that God called him to accomplish on the earth.


What does it mean for the woman to be a helper?  Virginia Fugate explains it this way in her landmark book on biblical womanhood, On the Other Side of The Garden: 

". . . the woman, as helper, is an assistant -- the one who helps to achieve the goals of the one leading.  His goals become her goals.  She cooperatively and effectively assists and renders aid, strengthening the man for his own tasks.  A woman has important work to do.  She should use her intelligence, talents, and abilities in such a way that her efforts give support and encouragement to her man.  This could range from providing a stable, comfortable home to working in her husband's business or to giving moral support of his ministry.  In other words, she helps her husband in whatever capacity he most needs her assistance."  (p. 14)

Of course, I understand that this view of women is politically incorrect in post-Christian America.  Women have been taught to believe that this role is demeaning, old-fashioned, and unfulfilling. They believe they have the right to use their gifts, talents, and abilities to pursue their own goals and ambitions, even if this causes them to compete with their husband's goals and ambitions.  God did not create woman to compete with the man, but to complement and complete the man.
Debi Pearl in her life-changing book, Created to be His Help Meet, explains it this way:

"If you are a wife, you were created to fill a need, and in that capacity you are a "good thing," a helper suited to the needs of a man.  This is how God created you and it is your purpose for existing.  You are, by nature, equipped in every way to be your man's helper.  You are inferior to none as long as you function within your created nature, for no man can do your job, and no man is complete without his wife.  You were created to make him complete, not to seek personal fulfillment parallel to him.  A woman trying to function like a man is as ridiculous as a man trying to be like a woman. A unisex society is a senseless society -- a society dangerously out of order."  (p.21)

 
Every business, religious and service organization has a hierarchy and an organizational chart showing the chain of command.  There is no indignity in being the Vice-President instead of the President or the Assistant Chairman rather than the Chairman.  Many times the assistant may even be more talented or skilled than the person leading the organization or company.  However, that person should still respect the office of the "president" and use his or her skills to assist the president and help make the organization as a whole more successful.  As wives, it should be our goal to assist our husbands in any way possible and to help them be successful in their jobs or ministries, as well as working to create successful marriages and families.
Debi Pearl helps us understand our divine calling:

"God made you to be a help meet to your husband so you can bolster him, making him more productive and efficient at whatever he chooses to do.  You are not on the board of directors with an equal vote.  You have no authority to set the agenda.  But if he can trust you, he will make you his closest advisor, his confidante, his press secretary, his head of state, his vice-president, his ambassador, his public relations expert, maybe even his speech writer -- all at his discretion."  (p. 23)

She then challenges us with this thought-provoking question:

If God created a special woman, perfectly suited to be your husband's helper, would you be that woman? 

Think about it -- what kind of help does your husband need?  How are you helping him in his work or ministry? How are you helping him create the kind of family he desires?  How are you hindering him?  Please share your insights!

Your Turn to Share 

Every Monday, I plan to explore some aspect of marriage here on my blog.  I invite you to share your past or present marriage-related blog posts, as well.  Please link up with me by entering the URL of your specific blog post in the Mr. Linky below, and make sure you grab my blog button and add it to your post!  (Just copy the HTML code under my button and paste it into your blog post.)  It's that simple!  (If you don't want to copy my blog button, just insert a direct text link to my blog.  That works too!!)


I also welcome your comments!  My blog has been awfully quiet lately, so be sure to speak up and share your thoughts!

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linked up with: http://www.thebettermom.com/http://www.raisingarrows.net/ 

Spring Break at Our House

It's Spring Break here this week (at least for some members of the family -- all of the spring breaks fell on different weeks this year).  Abby is here for the week; Tay is home for a few days; Amber is done student teaching and enjoying her time off -- so we've been in Fun mode around here and the house has been a hub of activity!!!

First, we filled out our brackets for March Madness!  (That's a pre-requisite for living in this household!)  ;)

Tuesday, we went to the Village to do a little shopping  and came home with one of these . . .

It was a picture perfect day!!  Highs in the low 80's with warm sun and a refreshing breeze!

We spent the afternoon hanging out at our favorite park . . . the one that is adorned with sprawling Live Oaks and overlooks the Atlantic Ocean.

The kids enjoyed playing football and ultimate frisbee in the big, grassy field.

The day was perfect . . . until Joe came carrying a "wounded soldier" off the "battlefield" . . . .

Who would have thought that a flying frisbee could crack a tooth in two leaving only a jagged triangle in little Bethany's mouth??

That meant I spent Wednesday morning at the dentist's office and proceeded from there to the endodontist's office, where the dentist sealed off the exposed nerve.  :(  More dental work will be in Bethany's future . . .   :(


Wednesday afternoon, we spent a delightful day here . . .

We finally tore ourselves away about 6 pm.  Like I told the kids, someone has to go home and cook supper!

The college kids hit the beach again today, while the Fantastic Five and I went to homeschool co-op.

Tomorrow, we are headed to South Carolina to visit my parents and "return" my niece, Amber!  Unfortunately, she has to go back to winter in Wisconsin and finish out her senior year so she can actually graduate.

So, we have a fun weekend ahead!  I can't wait to see my Mom and Dad and also my sister!  I'm also hoping to squeeze in a visit with my BFF who lives in the upstate of South Carolina.  Unfortunately, I won't be able to share any pictures with you, as it appears that my camera has shuttered and died.  (Sorry - I couldn't resist!)  ;)

I'm very sad.  I mean, what's a blogger to do without a camera?????????????

The Pictures I Don't Want to Show You . . . and a New Series!

Over the course of the last few weeks I kept stumbling across a discussion of the same book at totally unrelated places.  This reminded me that another mom had strongly recommended this book to me last spring.  After looking for it at our local library, and discovering it wasn't available, I had put the name of the book in the back burner of my mind and promptly forgot all about it!

Suddenly, this book, Lose Your Mummy Tummy by Julie Tupler, RN was back on my radar!  I checked again at my library, but it still wasn't in their holdings.  
The premise of the book is that pregnancy naturally separates a mother's outermost abdominal muscles to make room for her growing uterus. Called a diastasis recti, this separation doesn't fully close up in most new moms. This situation is compounded when women have back-to-back pregnancies and wear their babies in front carriers.  (Yikes!) The larger the diastasis, the weaker the muscles and the more problems may develop.  In addition, the larger the diastasis, the bigger the belly that just won't seem to go away after baby's delivery!  Lose Your Mummy Tummy introduces the Tupler Technique, a set of simple abdominal exercises created by Julie Tuper, RN, that work to decrease the diastasis, while strengthening the transverse muscle and delivering a firmer, flatter, and stronger belly.
Somewhere in the dark recesses of my mind, I remembered a midwife telling me that I had a diastasis recti . . . . That was who knows how many babies ago!  ;)
Well, to make a long story short, I still don't have the book -- but I have something better -- the Lose Your Mummy Tummy DVD, guidebook, and a splint!  I have also had the opportunity to work one-on-one with Julie Tupler via Skype to learn how to implement her program for healing a diastasis recti.  In return, I have promised to blog about my journey following her program and to share my before/after pictures!  :o
First, let me share some of what I am learning about diastasis recti from Julie Tupler, so you can understand what this is and whether it applies to you.

WHAT IS A DIASTASIS RECTI?

The word diastasis means separation. So a diastasis recti is a separation of the rectus abdominis or the outermost abdominal muscles. When the muscles separate, the connective tissue that joins them stretches sideways. The more it stretches sideways the thinner and weaker it becomes.

WHAT CAUSES A DIASTASIS?

Everyone is born with their muscles separated. Whether it closes depends on the amount of force or pressure on the connective tissue that joins the outermost muscles.  If the muscles close, they are always at risk for separating again when there is this continuous force on the connective tissue. Force can be caused by:

1. Weight gain in the abdominal area
2. Growing uterus during pregnancy
3. Doing abdominal exercises incorrectly

WHAT PROBLEMS ARE CAUSED BY A DIASTASIS?

The function of the outermost muscles are to support your back and your organs. When the muscles separate this support system is weakened causing low back pain and the "mummy tummy " or “guy gut.” The mummy tummy or guy gut is actually your protruding organs. They are protruding because they are now being supported by a thin (saran wrap-like) piece of connective tissue instead of your muscles if they were together. If there is trauma to the abdominal area and the connective tissue is torn away from the muscle, your organs will come through and a ventral hernia can develop. Surgery will be required. A large diastasis on a pregnant woman will cause the uterus to tilt forward putting the cervix out of alignment. This will make pushing the baby out vaginally much more difficult.

WHAT ARE THE BENEFITS OF CLOSING A DIASTASIS?

Closing the diastasis will give you a flat belly, a smaller waist and relieve any back problems you are having. It will also make pushing in labor much more effective.

HOW IS A DIASTASIS CLOSED?

It is NEVER too late to close a diastasis! Closing a diastasis is all about healing the connective tissue. A diastasis can be closed on anyone at anytime! How long it takes depends on the severity of  your diastasis and your commitment to the program.

HOW DO YOU CHECK FOR A DIASTASIS?

A diastasis can be checked both during and after pregnancy. The object is to determine how many fingers will fit in the space between the two recti muscles. You also want to determine the condition of the connective tissue. The deeper your fingers will go towards your spine, the weaker the connective tissue. If you feel a pulsing while you are checking, this is a sign of very weak connective tissue. Start with your middle three fingers. You will also want to measure your waist before you start on the program. This measurement will get smaller as the muscles start coming together.

Lie on your back with yourknees bent. Place your fingers in your belly button. Your fingers should be pointing in the direction of your toes.

Relax your abdominal muscles and lift your head. If you are holding your abdominal muscles in as you check it will give you a false reading as this will make the diastasis appear smaller. The muscles will get closer together the higher you lift your head.

To get a more accurate reading, it is important to check yourself when you first start feeling the muscles coming together. You might have to come up and down a few times so you can feel how the muscles work. If you don’t feel the two ridges of the muscles with 3 fingers you may have to put more fingers in. If you see the football- like ridge you should start by using 4 to 5 fingers. You may even have to use 2 hands if your diastasis is very large.

The solution to this common problem is Julie Tupler's 4-step program for closing a diastasis.  I will explain the 4 steps in my next post, but if you can't wait that long, feel free to check out Julie's website, where you will find a wealth of information on diastasis recti, including the 4 steps to closing one.

Now for the moment I've been dreading!!  The moment when I show you my "before" pictures, where you can plainly see that I have No Waist and a Very Protruding Belly.  Yes, it is not a pretty sight!  I just thought these were my permanent battle scars from giving birth to ten big babies, but now I think there may be hope . . . 

 

Check back each Tuesday where I will share my ups and downs and the ins and outs of my journey following the Tupler Technique!  Also, if you want to join me, please do!!!  Just click here to order your own DVD, guidebook, and a splint, so you can also start the rehabilitative process.  Please leave me a comment and let me know you if you will be joining me for the journey, or if you have healed a diastasis, please tell me about that too!  Any and all encouraging comments are Welcome!  :)

Two Months from Today . . . .

It's hard to believe that just two months from today -- on May12th -- Josh and Kristi will covenant together in marriage!  Josh is not my oldest -- but he is my first to get married!  We are all so excited and looking forward to this special event in our family's lives!!!

I can't wait for you to see Josh and Kristi's engagement pictures, which were taken by our "resident photographer" -- Ashlyn!  She did a Fabulous job!

How to Know When It's Time for a Costco Run

This is our extra fridge in the garage -- the one that is usually stocked with milk, butter, eggs, meat and produce!

Marriage Monday: How One Became Two and Two Became One

Have you ever wondered why God did not create the first woman at the same time or in the same way as the first man?  Does it matter?


First of all, God created man and then assigned him the task of naming all the animals.  God used this little assignment as a way for Adam to become acutely aware of the fact that he did not have a suitable companion.

Genesis 2:19-20 - ¹⁹ Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. ²⁰ So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him.

When God was ready to create Eve, He did not create her from the dust of the ground, as he did Adam.  Instead, He fashioned her from the man.  Is that significant?

Genesis 2:22 - Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.

According to Virgina Fugate, author of my favorite book on biblical womanhood -- On the Other Side of the Garden -- some biblical scholars believe that the Hebrew language used in Genesis seems to indicate that the original human creation may have consisted of one body containing both the masculine and the feminine characteristics of mankind.  It is entirely possible that just as the physical material (the rib) was removed from the body of the first human and used to construct the first woman's body, the woman's essence (her soul) was also removed from the original human creation and used to animate her newly formed body.


 

"The first human was physically formed out of the dust of the ground, but the woman was physically fashioned out of that first human's rib.  Also, God breathed life into the first human and soul life came into existence.  Nothing, however, is said about God breathing life into the woman.  Could this be because her soul was already animated and entwined with that of the man's?  God simply molded a second human body around Adam's rib.  He then placed the female soul, which He apparently also removed from the original creation, into that second body.  In this way, the separation of the female from the original creation of mankind resulted in two distinct entities -- man and woman.  This division removed from Adam most of the feminine characteristics, leaving him predominately masculine. Conversely, the newly formed woman possessed mostly feminine characteristics. Mankind was no longer the whole, complete creation that it was in the beginning. Two separate entities now existed, each needing the other to make mankind whole again."  (On the Other Side of the Garden, p.10-11)

This theory helps to explain the mystery of marriage -- it is the rejoining of the two back into one flesh.

Genesis 2:23-24 -- ²³ And Adam said:“This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman,  24 Because she was taken out of Man.”Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Ephesians 5:25-31 -- ²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, ²⁶ that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, ²⁷ that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. ²⁸ So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹ For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. ³⁰ For we are members of His body,^[a] of His flesh and of His bones. ³¹ “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”^[b]

Was the creation of the woman an afterthought?  Of course not!  It was part of God's perfect plan from the beginning.  He created man or mankind to include both a male and a female counterpart.  

^{Genesis 1:27 --}So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.

What was God's purpose for creating the woman as He did?  God Himself declared that it was not good for the man to be alone, then He gave Adam a job to do where he would recognize his own need for a suitable companion and helper, and then God provided for that need by creating the woman from the man to be that perfect companion and help mate.  

God's purpose in forming the woman was to provide for Adam a mate corresponding to himself.  God had taken from Adam all that was necessary to form both the material and the immaterial parts, the body and soul, of a separate being.  The then returned to Adam all of these parts in the form of the woman -- a counterpart to the man."  (On the Other Side of the Garden, p. 12)

I love the term that author Linda Dillow coined -- a "creative counterpart."  That is what God's divine design is all about -- He designed the woman not to compete with her husband, but to creatively complement and complete her husband!




Next week we will discuss what it means to be a "helper" and "creative counterpart" and explore ways that we can complement and complete our husbands!  You won't want to miss it!

"As God by creation made two of one, so again by marriage, He made one of two."  

~ Thomas Adams

Your Turn to Share 

Every Monday, I plan to explore some aspect of marriage here on my blog.  I invite you to share your marriage-related blog posts, as well.  Please link up with me by entering the URL of your specific blog post in the Mr. Linky below, and make sure you grab my blog button and add it to your post!  (Just copy the HTML code under my button and paste it into your blog post.)  It's that simple!  (If you don't want to copy my blog button, just insert a direct text link to my blog.  That works too!!)


I also welcome your comments!  My blog has been awfully quiet lately, so be sure to speak up and share your thoughts!

<center> <a href="http://yestheyareallours.com" target="_blank"><img border="0" alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i1170.photobucket.com/albums/r533/busymomof10/marriagemonday.jpg" /></a> </center> <br /> <br /><a href="http://www.thebettermom.com" ><img src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-gXfoBvdTPFE/Tvqb_nORFGI/AAAAAAAACpg/FW-NrERTgpc/s1600/BetterMondaysLinkup.jpg" /></a> <br /> <br /> <div style="text-align: center;"> <br /></div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>"As God by creation made two of one, so again by marriage, He made one of two."  </b></span></div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />~ Thomas Adams</span></div>




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Winner of the Homemaker's Mentor Print Issue Announced

Congratulations to Bobbie Hisel who was randomly selected by Rafflecopter to win the Homemaker's Mentor Print Issue Two and the Tea Cozy Club from Remembrance Press, both from my friend, Marmee Dear!!!  Thanks to all who entered!!

If you did not win, click here to learn about The Homemaker's Mentor and order a print issue of your own, or check out some of Marmee Dear's other products for the homemaker here.