Monday, May 21, 2012

Marriage Monday: Preferring Our Husbands {Link Up!}

For the past few weeks, we have been considering the greatest need of our husbands -- which is to be respected and admired.  We are learning from Ephesians 5:33:

"However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly]."

I really like the way the Amplified version gives us a clearer picture of what it looks like to respect our husbands.  Over the next few weeks, I plan to define and consider each of these words, one at a time.  The last word we focused on was the word "honor."  This week, we are moving on to the word "prefer."

Prefer means to set or hold someone or something above other persons or things in estimation; to like better; to choose rather than; to give priority to.

When we stood at the marriage altar and said, "I do," we were saying in effect that we preferred that man to all others, that we liked him better and that we chose him over all other men, and we pledged to give priority to our relationship with him.

How quickly we forget that!

It really doesn't take long before we begin preferring to spend time with our girl friends, with our babies and children, with our online friends, with a good book or TV show, or even with our own thoughts, rather than with our husbands.  We must guard against this occupational hazard and make sure we continue to make spending time with our husbands a top priority!

I know that my husband sometimes feels that he is way down my list of priorities.  Sad, but true.  :(  With ten children and a ginormous to-do list every day and week, it can be very easy to put the needs of others or myself ahead of him.  Every time we go in the bedroom and shut the door to talk, a line forms outside the door!  When we go out to eat or out for coffee, it seems that the older kids suddenly all start texting me!   Sometimes, I am distracted by Facebook, email or blogging when he wants to spend time with me.  Many times when he is ready for bed for the night, one of the older kids is engaging me in a deep conversation.  Any parent of young adults knows that the only time these teens and twenty-somethings want to share their hearts is Late at Night!  So, I may find myself in a deep conversation for another hour or two . . .

Life with a big family and life in the 21st century are both very complex, demanding endeavors that require a lot of flexibility, wisdom, and creativity to manage.  There are no easy answers to the challenges we all face in trying to "fit it all in."  We all face the reality of  being overwhelmed and being pulled in many different directions at once, and struggling to prioritize what claims our time and attention.  We may know that God and our husbands should be our top priorities, but may fail to really live that out in a practical manner day by day.  Yet, part of giving our husbands the honor and respect they crave, is to prefer them.

Your Turn to Share:
Please share specific ways that you have learned to prefer your husband and let him know that he is a top priority in your life.  How have you overcome the common obstacles that get in the way?  Do you have a secret for making your husband feel that he is number one?? Please share!!!!  I'm hoping for a lot of comments on this one!

I'd love to have you link up your blog to mine!  Please link up any past or present posts related to marriage.  Don't forget to link back to my blog by copying and pasting the code for my blog button in your post or by simply linking back to my blog.  


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What Joy Is Mine said...

Elizabeth...this is a thought provoking post. Preferring our husband has to be an intentional effort on our part I believe. And's something I have be more aware of because life, at times, tends to pull me elsewhere. Thank you for a great post and for sharing it at WJIM. I'm enjoying this verse study.

busymomof10 said...

Since posting this morning, I've been asking God to show me some ways to actively Prefer my husband. Here is what He has shown me so far:

1. When behind on laundry, wash my husband's laundry first, rather than the children's laundry.

2. Iron my husband's shirts before I iron my boys' church clothes.

3. Make food the way my husband prefers. For example, we all like eggs in the tuna salad, and he doesn't. In addition, I like to slip avocado in the salad, but he doesn't like avocado. These are two examples of many where I can prepare food the way HE prefers, instead of the way I or the children prefer.

Help me out here! How else can I/we prefer our husbands??

Annika said...

I too wash my husbands clothes first. My husband goes to bed really early since he has to be up for work at 3:30AM, so I go to bed with him when he does. I also make sure that whatever I cook for dinner is large enough size wise that he will be able to take it for lunch the next day. That way he doesn't have to figure out food stuff at 3:30 AM.

busymomof10 said...

Thanks for sharing Annika! Great ideas!

Anonymous said...

I know that I do not have a husband yet, but I hope to some day soon. I am continually asking God how I can be a "good" wife to my husband because I want to start the relationship that way as much as possible. However, I realize that I will learn many things along the way.
I am a very quite "observational" kind of person, so I tend to notice things. What I have noticed is that my dad, specifically, likes when my mom pays him attention and affection in front of US and other people. I think it shows that even though she is balancing so many things, she still has time for him and is not afraid to show it and be proud of showing it. Simple things such as holding his hand, sitting next to him on the couch, etc. Also, I think it is important to take time to spend time alone with your husband, write enouraging notes and leave it on the bathroom mirror, have a note that says "I love you" on his pillow when he gets home from work, try to look nice for your husband. These are just a few of the things that I think! :)


busymomof10 said...

Abby, thanks for sharing! Those are some great tips that you've observed by watching your Mom and Dad! It really blesses me to know that you are watching and learning now and preparing to be a great wife to your future husband!~

Katie said...

Great post and I enjoyed reading all the comments too!

One thing I try to do EVERY day is greet my husband with a hug and kiss when he gets home from work. No matter what I'm doing (cooking, cleaning, playing with kids, etc.), I drop it to greet him with a smile and love! Hopefully that helps him drop any grumpiness that work may have caused too. ;)

Meghan Carver said...

Love your post -- and I think my link goes perfectly with it. Just asking our husbands how their day went and really listening to them, even for just a few minutes, shows we prefer them. I know from my side, with six children, that I don't get my husband's undivided attention very often or for any real length of time. When I do get it, it makes me feel loved and preferred.

I also agree with making the meals the way he likes. I do this regularly. Thanks for the great post!

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