Monday, October 1, 2012

Marriage Monday: Living in a House Divided {Link up}

Marriage Mondays"

Welcome back to Marriage Monday!  Two weeks ago, I shared the Introduction to a new series on living with an unsaved mate, written by my own precious mother, who lived with an unsaved man (my dear father) for nearly twenty years, before God brought him to salvation!  Last week I shared her first tip -- Acceptance of your man just the way he is. 

Today, I am sharing her second tip on how to successfully live with an unsaved mate.  Here are her words of wisdom:

May 11, 2012


My heart cried: “How can two walk together unless they agree?” Amos 3:3

Only God can make a divided house stand, as we depend on the Lord’s power, mercy and grace!

A Christian living with an unsaved mate is in for a challenging and often heart-wrenching experience. Much grace is needed!  

One of the primary challenges I faced was that we were serving two different masters.  Although, my husband was a morally good man, we had different and opposing values, goals and convictions. We experienced division in everyday life over things of temporal value vs. things of eternal value.

Another challenge I faced was responding to him in the flesh instead of the Spirit.  I look back and realize how spiritually immature I was during many of those years, and even though I knew it was vital that I live a consistently godly life before him, I all too frequently reacted in the flesh rather than in the Spirit.

A huge challenge I had to overcome was my habit of not respecting and submitting to his leadership without resistance.  It was not until I learned that I was to reverence him in his God-given position of authority as my husband, even if I couldn’t reverence him personally, that this began to change. At that point, I learned to look for things that I could respect about my husband. During those most difficult of days, I had to look pretty intently before God showed me a character quality in him for which I honestly could respect him. A turning point for me was coming to understand that positive qualities are often demonstrated in a negative way by an unbeliever or by an immature Christian who is walking in the flesh. An example of this would be the positive character quality of thriftiness that is negatively manifested as stinginess, until that area is submitted to the Lordship of Christ.  

Once I understood that the Bible clearly taught that I was to submit to my husband “as unto the Lord,” I knew that was what I had to do. Ouch!!! That was a tough calling!! But I determined that by God’s grace I would submit to my mate, by first submitting my will to God’s will.

A related challenge I faced was following my husband's leadership even when he was following the world’s wisdom and self-serving ways.  There were times when I knew he was making the wrong decisions, which would mean we all would suffer the consequences, but I learned that genuine Biblical submission chooses to submit, trusting the consequences to the Lord. His grace truly was sufficient for the trials as He enabled me to walk in obedience to His will. This is key, ladies, because my submission was one of the things that God used to slowly draw my mate to the Lord.

Wow!  That was powerful, wasn't it??  Whether your husband is a True Christian, an unbeliever, or a "religious man" who is trying to get to heaven on his own merits, I know that you can apply these wise words to the struggles you face in loving him, reverencing him, and submitting to his leadership!!  I'm just so grateful that my Mom was willing to share her experience and wisdom with us!  Come back next week for the next installment in this series!  I know you will be blessed!!

Your Turn to Share:

Do you live with an unsaved man?  Or do you have a testimony of your husband coming to the Lord after much prayer and patiently living out Christ before him?  If you have a testimony that will encourage other women in a similar situation, please share!

If you were blessed or encouraged by this post, please consider sharing it with your friends on Facebook or other social media sites.  Thank you!

Link up:

I'd love to have you link up your blog to mine!  Please link up any past or present posts related to Christian marriage.  Don't forget to link back to my blog!  Thanks!


linked up with these fabulous blogs:


The Alabaster Jar

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Growing Home


Beholding Glory


A Proverbs 31 Wife said...

I'm really enjoying your moms story. I linked up here, but would love it if you came back and linked your story at Matrimonial Monday :)

Jamie Bishop said...

This is my first time participating in this link up. Trying to grow my new blog. Look forward to reading the other posts on here, and love finding more Godly influences in my life, after so many years avoiding them! Thanks!

Jayme Morris said...

I am proof that "Only God can make a house divided stand." I have endured many things since I became a Christian after marriage while my husband remains unsaved. One of the most painful moments is when I hear "you aren't the same person I married" or "you're not the girl I fell in love." Praise the Lord I'm not! I have been changed by God and am a new creature. This is a good thing. But not to him. You feel alone, rejected, and unloved by the person you are with daily raising a family and have vowed to be with until death. How do you deal with that feeling every day and still function? Only with God's grace! Many times I have just locked myself in the closet and begged God for his grace and strength to endure this. And I have said "Lord as long as you love me that is all that matters." There was a period of time where he was in one room most of his time and me and the kids were in another. Yes throw 2 kids in the mix who don't understand why daddy doesn't want to spend time with us. It's hard to know it's my fault and they are suffering. There's heart-wrenching for you. I know it's not me he is rejecting so much but rather it's God in me that he is rejecting. I tell you it felt like me in those moments! There even came a time when he was ready to leave. I was devastated! I fell apart. There is nothing I can do if he wants to go. But how could he do that to the kids. Why can't he love the new me and see I'm a much better version of the old me?

Through MUCH prayer of an amazing church family, my own prayers, my family's prayers and the power of an awesome and mighty God this house divided still stands! ONLY GOD could make a way when there seemed to be no way. Slowly but surely he has come to love the new me. I don't feel so distant and rejected. He does spend more time with us. My journey may be far from over. But I have seen God change a man that for a while seemed to be cold as ice and hard as a rock. God keeps giving me little things that show He is working. It's like He keeps saying hang in there and here's a peek at what I'm doing. He won't let me see the finished product yet. I am asking for patience daily :) I know it's going to be more than I could have ever imagined. It will be perfect in His time. We have been married 12 years and I have been a Christian for 8. I pray it won't be another 8 or more before we are united with Christ as the master we both serve. But if that is how long it takes for God's masterpiece to be complete, so be it. And with His strength and grace I will stand and wait.

Thank you for starting this blog series on Mondays. It truly does help to hear the wisdom from someone who has been there. It's encouraging and another reminder that God can do anything. I only wish the posts were more frequent or longer LOL! It's really hard to wait a week for all this great stuff :)

Jamie Bishop said...

I had to re-read this...for my friend. She is a believer with 4 young children and her husband is a proclaimed "Agnostic" and it causes so much turmoil for them. I will send this to her. Maybe it will encourage her.

Thanks for your comment on my blog. Would you mind following through GF connect? And...TEN KIDS? :-) Wow. 4 is enough for me!

Elizabeth Spence said...

Thank you so much for sharing this wisdom...I know there are many young women who are in desperate need of a godly older woman to pass on their knowledge and experience.

Elizabeth@Warrior Wives

Prowess and Pearls said...

Great testimony! Stopping by from Matrimonial Monday, btw.

my simple reflections said...

nice post thanks for sharing..found you thrue other bloggers hope visiting more..blessings

Kelly JS said...

Linked up & love this post! I appreciate you linking up with our Matrimonial Monday posts!

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