Monday, October 8, 2012

Marriage Monday: When a Wife Must Walk Alone {Link up!}

Marriage Mondays"

Welcome back to Marriage Monday!  Three weeks ago, I started a new series on Living with an Unsaved Mate, written by my own precious mother, who lived with an unsaved man (my dear father) for nearly twenty years, before God brought him to salvation!  If you are just joining in, you might want to go back and read the Introduction, her advice on Accepting your man just the way he is and her counsel on Living in a House Divided.

Today, I am sharing her third installment on how to live with an unsaved mate.  Here are her words of wisdom:

May 11, 2012


It is truly a lonely path that a Christian wife walks when her husband is unsaved. I so longed to have true oneness: to share the intimate thoughts of my heart; to share my joy and excitement with him over some spiritual truth I had learned; or to rejoice over an answer to prayer.  

Although outwardly we may have operated as one, we were miles apart, separated by a gulf that only the Lord could bridge. My husband had no interest in what God was showing me in His word. He not only wasn’t interested, he couldn't understand why I was so excited about it. That rejection was most painful!  I failed to remember:

 “But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness unto him; neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.” -- 1 Corinthians 2:14 

This is true because of what Satan has done to the mind of the unbeliever: 

“Whose unbelieving minds the god of this world hath blinded, lest the light of the glorious Gospel of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine unto them.”  -- 2 Corinthians 4:4

I learned that God’s provision was all I needed. Sometimes He showed me that He Himself was all I needed. Other times He chose to fill the void with Christian friends. Whether it was with the Lord or with these precious women, I had someone with whom I could share the most intimate thoughts and longings of my heart, and together we rejoiced in the things of God.

One of the most heart-wrenching fears I faced when my husband was unsaved was the reality of being separated for all of eternity too. Heaven is a real place!!! So is hell!!! I could not bear the thought of hell and what that meant for the man I loved.  I knew that I personally could not save him, though for a very long time I tried! OH! HOW I TRIED!!! UNTIL GOD PUT ON MY HEART TO GET OUT OF HIS WAY!!

I knew that unless God called him to Himself, he would spend all eternity in eternal torment in the lake of fire. I was without the glorious hope that belongs to a Christian wife of a Christian husband who dies. They know that death is only a temporary separation, that one day they will see each other again. I had no such joyful thoughts; such hope was not mine!  Would God save my husband? How to bear such thoughts seemed more than I could endure!!

Shockingly, through the years I have encountered a few women who being grieved over this same thing, have said they would rather spend eternity separated from the Lord than from their husband whom they loved so dearly. That may sound romantic, but obviously they were not stopping to think what that truly meant or they were ignorant of the teaching of the Word of God. Hell is real and it is torment for all eternity where the worm dieth not!! Plus, if they loved their husbands more than they loved God and wanted to be with Him, then they were not His child to begin with. Sobering but true!! God is to be our pre-eminent love!  However, the more we love Him, the more we will be able to love our husbands.

Regardless of whether our husbands are saved or not, God is still to be our first love, and we are to turn to Him to meet the deepest needs of our hearts!  Many wives expect their husbands to meet all of their emotional needs, which is a recipe for bitter disappointment.  A wise wife trusts the Lord to meet her needs for love, acceptance and security, taking unrealistic pressure off her husband!

Please check back next week when I start sharing the "nitty gritty" from my Mom's experience of what to do (and what not to do) when seeking to "win your husband to the Lord."  You will find practical advice that you can apply to your own situation!  

Your Turn to Share:

Do you live with an unsaved man?  Or do you have a testimony of your husband coming to the Lord after much prayer and patiently living out Christ before him?  If you have a testimony that will encourage other women in a similar situation, please share!

If you were blessed or encouraged by this post, please consider sharing it with your friends on Facebook or other social media sites.  Thank you!

Link up:

I'd love to have you link up your blog to mine!  Please link up any past or present posts related to Christian marriage.  Don't forget to link back to my blog!  Thanks!



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Elizabeth Spence said...

Although I haven't been in this situation, I was just having a conversation with another friend about how it's so hard to know what to say when a friend is going through this situation...with a husband who isn't a believer, or who isn't kind or helpful. This series has been very helpful to me for understanding what those marriages struggle with.

Elizabeth@Warrior Wives

A Proverbs 31 Wife said...

I love this post, and am loving your mom more and more. :)

Joluise said...

This was something I needed to read today. I am married to an unbelieving husband who has no desire to become a Christian and can say the most hurtful things about those who love the Lord. Sometimes I feel so sad and alone, no one to talk about the wonderful Word of God, ask questions to and seek guidance's. It can indeed to very lonely path. I do have Christian brothers and parents and other relatives so I do have people to talk to, but it isn't the same as one's husband.

I pray that the Lord may one day settle in my husband's heart - but there are times when i thinks all to bleak and that will never happen and then get cross with myself for not TRUSTING THE LORD as all things are possible through him. said...

I totally realized this was last weeks link up AFTER I put my link in! Sorry! Hope you are alright, missed seeing a post yesterday! - Tyanne

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