Monday, February 11, 2013

Marriage Monday: Loving Our Husbands When They Hurt Us {Link up}

Marriage Mondays

Welcome back to Marriage Monday! I am in the midst of a series on Loving our Husbands. Last week, I explored some creative ways to demonstrate love to our husbands when they are away from home. If you missed that post, you might want to click on the link and check it out. 

Today, I want to talk about loving our husbands when they have hurt us. This is not an easy topic to tackle; however, the truth is that even the godliest of husbands will at some point disappoint and hurt their wives. Furthermore, many wives find themselves married to men on the other end of the spectrum, and they must deal with physical and emotional pain on a regular basis.

Before I get started, let me offer a disclaimer:  if you are in a situation where you or your children are in real physical danger, you need to find a way to get help and remove yourselves to a place of safety.

Let's start by taking a look at Colossians 3:13-15. Although I normally use the King James or New King James versions, I am going to quote from the New Living Translation, because I like the clarity it gives to this passage. Also, while I am restricting myself to just these three verses, there is so much  treasure found in the verses surrounding this passage, so you might want to explore them as well!

Make allowance for each other's faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.

This passage contains six secrets for how to respond when our husbands hurt us. Did you see them? Read the passage again, and see if you can identify six ways to wisely respond to offenses and hurts.

1. Make Allowance for His Faults

As we see in verse 13, we need to make allowance for our husband's faults, realizing that no one is perfect. We certainly are not! Instead of responding in pride with an attitude of, "I don't deserve this! How dare him treat me this way!"  We should respond to any hurt, or perceived hurt, with humility, graciousness, and forgiveness. This attitude preserves the bond of peace in our relationship, and also paves the way for our husbands to make allowances for us and our faults!

2. Forgive him

We must learn to forgive as Christ forgives us! There will be times when our husband offends us, but we must choose to forgive and not to dwell on the offense! If we have trouble forgiving, it is because we don't have a realistic picture of how our sin offends a holy God and how He much He has forgiven us! Many times we find it difficult to forgive, because we don't want to let the other person "off the hook." The best remedy for that is to remember that "Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will die." Unforgiveness creates bitterness that destroys our own bodies and souls and defiles everyone around us!  (Hebrews 12:14-15)

3. Put on love

Daily we put on clothes; we put on deodorant; we put on make-up; we put on perfume. We want to look nice and smell good! But, if we don't put on love, the ugliness and the stench will still prevail!! Each morning as we get ready for the day ahead, we would do well to remind ourselves to put on love! Try it out today -- each time you're annoyed, frustrated, irritated, or offended, whisper to yourself, "put on love; put on love!"  And then respond accordingly!

4. Maintain unity

We should always strive to maintain unity, harmony, and a oneness of spirit in our relationship with our husbands. This is accomplished as we put on love, because the biggest hindrance to unity is selfishness, which is the opposite of love. When we are only concerned about getting our own way, we will never experience unity. The sooner we get over ourselves, the better off we will be!   Philippians 2:2-4 contains the secret to successful relationships - "Fulfill my joy by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others."

5. Let Peace Rule 

We are instructed numerous times in Scripture to pursue peace. I think we all have a strong desire for peace, and yet it seems so elusive in many situations!  The Amplified version translates verse 15 of our passage this way: "Let the peace (soul harmony) which comes from Christ rule (act as umpire continually) in your hearts. . ." I love the visual image of Christ's love acting as an umpire, ruling in our hearts to keep peace! When the basis of our peace is the love of Christ in action, there should be no disputed calls!  :)

6. Always be Thankful

It almost seems out of place, doesn't it -- the way "always be thankful" is tacked on to the end of that verse?  However, thankfulness in all things is a certain way to avoid grumbling, complaining, sulking, and harboring bitterness in our hearts. Bitterness is usually the end result of unresolved hurts and rehearsed offenses, so an excellent first line of defense is simply thankfulness. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 clearly commands - "In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."

By following the wisdom found in this passage, and by relying on God's grace, we can show love to our husbands even when they hurt us. This is the kind of love that changes lives - not just the life of the recipient, but the life of the one allowing God to love through her! And that's not all -- it can even change the lives of those observing and being affected by this type of relationship!  That is the power of Christ's love in action! 

Your Turn to Share:

Do you have a testimony that you can share of how you have demonstrated love for your husband even when he hurt you or offended you?  How do you maintain unity even when not seeing eye-to-eye?  I'd love to hear how you pursue peace and put on love in your relationship with your husband! Please share so that we might all be encouraged to love our husbands with the power of Agape love!

If you were blessed or encouraged by this post, please consider sharing it with your friends on Facebook or other social media sites.  Thank you!

Link up:

I'd love to have you link up your blog to mine!  Please link up any past or present posts related to Christian marriage.  Don't forget to link back to my blog!  Thanks!



The Alabaster Jar

What Joy Is Mine

Growing Home

Courtship Connection



Cheryl said...

This is my first time linking. It's so nice to meet you!

Lisa Cherry said...

This is a VITAL topic you hit on today! You asked for a testimony.....My husband and I went through a rough season several years ago. Our marriage was uncharacteristically "cool" and "striving." As we began to cry out to The Lord for help, He convicted us of a serious error. We had taken offense at each other. Offense is deadly. It dulls our ability to see our spouses in an accurate light and it robs us of intimacy. We had to go back and repent! And the good news is...the Lord can heal!

Our Stories God's Glory said...

My husband and I have been through so much in our 28 years of marriage and 30+ years together. Of course it' hasn't always been easy and sometimes it's been downright hard and almost seemed not worth it. But I've come to really see that if we stick it out, get past the times we're not feeling the love, work on intimacy and forgiveness, work on loving the other, we get to the other side. As I look ahead to prayerfully many more years together and children that are grown and leaving our home, I can honestly say I'm looking forward to continuing a good life with my husband. I didn't always feel that's been work that's been worth it!!

busymomof10 said...


Thanks for stopping by and linking up! It is great to have you join us!


busymomof10 said...


Thank you for being willing to share your story! I really sppreciate the confirming testimony! If Satan can't tempt us to the "big sins" I think he uses the "little areas" to divide us. Thank you for being willing to share the danger of taking up an offense.


busymomof10 said...

Our Stories God's Glory -- thank your for sharing! I think many couples today expect marriage to be a bed of roses and have no desire to work through the thorns! I really appreciate your honesty that marriage is sometimes hard work -- but that it is worth it to do the work to make it to the other side! Thanks so much for taking time to share!


amberswindow said...

My first time linking too, but I have thoroughly enjoyed browsing through this site! We need all the support we can get to love, cherish, and encourage our husbands, create the example of marriage our kids need to see, and shine a light on God's plan for marriage.

MW said...

Shouldn't the quote in #2 say "UNforgiveness is like drinking poison...", not "forgiveness is..."?

Elizabeth said...

Ambers window - Welcome! Thanks for coming by and linking up! :). So glad to have you!

Elizabeth said...

MW - Thank you So Much for catching my mistake!!! I do feel a little embarrassed about messing that up!!! Thank you for calling it to my attention! I've taken care of it! Blessings, Elizabeth

Amy M. said...

My husband and I have come from a bed of thorns into the roses, finally. What I've learned is this:

- communication means not just listening, but understanding male reasoning and literal interpretation
- I can thwart an argument by realizing we're heading down that path and saying, "Let's stop, please. Look at what we're doing." Someone has to be the wiser -- and Satan can't win!
- an apology means everything to a man -- when I say, "I'm sorry I'm not understanding you," he feels more inclined to explain differently.
- our hopes and dreams may match, but our description of them can differ, and that's sometimes where problems lie. Ask clarifying questions often!
- when I know my own shortcomings, I can easily overlook his. When I have felt superior, I made him feel inferior, without intending it.
- Satan has many footholds -- be alert to anything that feels uncomfortable and give the Evil One the heave-ho!

I'm sure I have more ... but these are the top of the list!

Elizabeth said...

Amy - wow! What fabulous tips! Your comment would make a great blog post in itself!

Naomi@What Joy Is Mine said...

Elizabeth...great post. Loved the third encouragement: "put on love." Boy, that could be applied not only in marriage but as a mom, too. So glad I came over to link up. Thank you for sharing at WJIM and for the link up. Blessings to you.

Virginia Knowles said...

I am so thankful that you put in the disclaimer about domestic violence. This has increasingly been an issue among Christian homes as sometimes teachings on family dynamics can get very warped. I wrote about this issue here:

Virginia Knowles said...

I just noticed from your "About Me" page that we have the same number of children in the same age range and have been married about the same length of time. :-) So nice to "meet" you here.

My "About Me" page is here:

Rach J DeBruin said...

Thanks for the link up!

Marriage is an area I definitely want to continue to grow in. This past Valentine's I wrote a post that was part of my present to my husband. I think it is good to sometimes stop and just remember how God brought us together :)
(I shared that post above in the link up)

Samuel Lina said...
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