Welcome back to Marriage Monday! Did you catch my post last week on entering into marriage with a Fairy Tale Mentality? It is so easy to enter into marriage with unrealistic expectations of "riding off into the sunset and living happily everafter," especially for those who are dreamy or romantic, or have grown up on a diet of Disney movies and romance novels.
Here's the problem: After the wedding, men tend to think to themselves, "Whew, so glad all that wedding junk is over! I've won the heart of the girl of my dreams, made it through the wedding, and now it's time to get down to business!" He begins to turn his attention away from "wooing" his bride to succeeding at his career and being the provider and protector of his little family. Meanwhile, his new bride is thinking, "Finally, I have him to myself! He's Mine! Now we can spend all of our time together, sharing our dreams and making them come true. We are going to be so happy!"
Do you see an immediate cause of conflict for the newlyweds??
Their focus may be different in many areas. What the husband expects from married life and what the wife expects may be entirely different. The wife may enjoy evenings spent cuddling together and watching a movie, while the husband may look at cuddling as a means to an end, and prefer cheering for his favorite sports team.
Also, as soon as the honeymoon is over (if not before!), real life begins! Money must be earned, pennies pinched, meals made (and cleaned up), toilets cleaned, problems solved, etc. As my son and his new wife have discoverd this past year, basic living is expensive and cars break down at the worst times!
As I look back, I struggled with many unrealistic expectations when I was a brand new wife! One of my unrealistic expectations was thinking my marriage would look exactly like my parents; however, I soon discovered I did not marry my Dad! :) My husband liked things done in a different way. Probably my biggest disappointment was realizing we actually had more time to spend together as college sweethearts than we did as a married couple, with full-time jobs and responsibilities. I had to adjust my expectations.
Your Turn to Share:
What unrealistic expectations did you have when you got married? What adjustments did you have to make? How did you and your husband adapt to each other and adjust your expectations? Please share so we might all be encouraged!
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