Monday, May 6, 2013

Marriage Monday: Avoiding Unrealistic Expectations {Link up}

Marriage Mondays

Welcome back to Marriage Monday! Did you catch my post last week on entering into marriage with a Fairy Tale Mentality?  It is so easy to enter into marriage with unrealistic expectations of "riding off into the sunset and living happily everafter," especially for those who are dreamy or romantic, or have grown up on a diet of Disney movies and romance novels.  

Here's the problem: After the wedding, men tend to think to themselves, "Whew, so glad all that wedding junk is over! I've won the heart of the girl of my dreams, made it through the wedding, and now it's time to get down to business!" He begins to turn his attention away from "wooing" his bride to succeeding at his career and being the provider and protector of his little family. Meanwhile, his new bride is thinking, "Finally, I have him to myself! He's Mine! Now we can spend all of our time together, sharing our dreams and making them come true. We are going to be so happy!"  

Do you see an immediate cause of conflict for the newlyweds??

Their focus may be different in many areas. What the husband expects from married life and what the wife expects may be entirely different. The wife may enjoy evenings spent cuddling together and watching a movie, while the husband may look at cuddling as a means to an end, and prefer cheering for his favorite sports team. 

Also, as soon as the honeymoon is over (if not before!), real life begins!  Money must be earned, pennies pinched, meals made (and cleaned up), toilets cleaned, problems solved, etc. As my son and his new wife have discoverd this past year, basic living is expensive and cars break down at the worst times! 

As I look back, I struggled with many unrealistic expectations when I was a brand new wife! One of my unrealistic expectations was thinking my marriage would look exactly like my parents; however, I soon discovered I did not marry my Dad!  :) My husband liked things done in a different way.  Probably my biggest disappointment was realizing we actually had more time to spend together as college sweethearts than we did as a married couple, with full-time jobs and responsibilities. I had to adjust my expectations.

Your Turn to Share:

What unrealistic expectations did you have when you got married? What adjustments did you have to make?  How did you and your husband adapt to each other and adjust your expectations? Please share so we might all be encouraged!

If you were blessed or encouraged by this post, please consider sharing it with your friends on Facebook or other social media sites.  Thank you!

Link up:

I'd love to have you link up your blog to mine!  Please link up any past or present posts related to Christian marriage.  Don't forget to link back to my blog!  Thanks!


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Blogs I link up with from week to week:

Happy Wives Club


The Alabaster Jar

Marriage Moment

What Joy Is Mine

Growing Home

Courtship Connection


Missional Women


AmberRay said...

I had these same expectations along with expecting my husband to be my perfect everything! God is teaching me that many of my needs will come from him alone and not to expect things from my husband that will come from him. and I need to love my imperfect husband as Christ loves the Church and my husband will love imperfect me.

busymomof10 said...

So True Amber Ray! Thanks for sharing!

Chris said...

Thank you for hosting, Elizabeth!
Again I made the dopey mistake of putting my name and not the blog psot title by "name." Oops...sorry.
I tried to grab the html for my sidebar but it did not work...instead of your button appearing there, all the html code just appeared.
I tried twice but no luck.

Thanks so much and have a lovely day!

Fawn Weaver said...

I think the blessing with us having gone through 12 weeks of premarital counseling is we didn't have unrealistic expectations of each other. We'd pretty much worked out the kinks before we set a wedding date. Our biggest adjustment was in not listening to negativity surrounding marriage. SO many opinions, and misery loves company, so we had to learn to block out the bad advice (even though most was well intentioned) and just focus on becoming one.

Jessi Spencer said...

I really struggled with expecting everything to be perfect. We would be never fight, never struggle with anything, etc. But, that's not realistic. We were bound to disagree about something at some point. Thankfully, we hit our first argument and that bubble burst. If we hadn't argued, we never would have learned how to healthily resolve conflicts between ourselves.

♥peachkins♥ said...

I love this post! And yes, I'm also struggling about unrealistic expectations with my husband.

Hopping from Happy Wives Club

Peachy from The Mommy Who Never Sleeps

Gail @ said...

This is so true. Actually, I think unrealistic expectations are the source of many (most?) marriage problems. I suppose my biggest ones came in the area of thinking that my husband would understand exactly what I wanted/expected in my relationship with him. And those things need to be learned on both sides.
By the way, I've started a new blog party and I'd love to have any of your posts linked up--your recipes, marriage, child-rearing etc.
Bless you,

busymomof10 said...

Thanks Ladies for taking the time to comment! I really appreciate your perspective and your transparency!

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