Monday, June 3, 2013

Marriage Monday: Are You Tearing Down or Building Up Your Marriage? {Link up}

Marriage Mondays

Welcome back to Marriage Monday! I hope you had a chance to read my post last week on Resolving Conflict in Marriage. Learning how to communicate is an important element to building a strong marriage.

Recently I heard someone that I respect say this, "You are either building up or you are tearing down."  

That is a powerful statement. I thought of how it applied to so many areas of our lives, but specifically to our marriages.

Proverbs 14:1 says, "Every wise woman builds her house, but the foolish one tears it down with her own hands."  (Amplified version)

We are either building our homes and our marriages or tearing them down. It's that simple.  Here is a list of ten ways we tear down our marriages, followed by ten ways we can build up our marriages.  

Ten Ways to Tear Down your Marriage:

1. Think negative thoughts about your husband.
2. Criticize and correct your husband every chance you get.
3. Nag him until he changes his bad habits.
4. Assume you are always right and know more than he does on any given topic.
5. Treat your husband like one of the children; be sure to mother him. 
6. Demand your own way and insist that he serve you.
7. Quickly "put your husband in his place" if he gets a little "frisky."  
8. Point out his faults to others, especially to the children.
9. Make jokes at his expense to get a good laugh when in a crowd.
10. Be sure to treat your friends (or pets) better than you treat your husband.

Ten Ways to Build Up your Marriage:

1. Think positive thoughts about your husband and your marriage. Focus on the good things. (Philippians 4:8)
2. Praise your husband for his good qualities every chance you get.
3. Overlook his faults. (1 Peter 4:8) Give him grace! Wisely address the issues that need to be resolved.
4. Be humble. Put his needs above your own. (Philippians 2:3)
5. Treat your husband with respect. Avoid belittling him by treating him as a child. (Ephesians 5:33)
6. Fight selfishness by developing a servant's heart. Serve your husband in love.  (Galations 5:13)
7. Understand your husband's need for physical love and cultivate that aspect of your relationship.  (Genesis 2:24-25)
8. Encourage his leadership by being willing to follow his direction, his decisions and even his suggestions.  (1 Peter 3:1-2)
9. Point out your husband's good qualities to others! Praise him in front of your children.  Avoid falling into the trap of making fun of your husband to earn a laugh. The laughter soon dies away and your marriage with it.
10. Treat your husband even better than your friends. He should be your top priority (after the Lord).  (Proverbs 31:10-13)

Hopefully, we all find ourselves more in the second list than the first one!  Nevertheless, there is always room for improvement!  It takes work and commitment to build, while it is easy to tear down and destroy without even realizing what we are doing. It will require being different than the culture around us. 

Ready for a challenge?  Let's purpose together this week to identify the areas where we are tearing down our marriages and find ways to build them up instead!

Your Turn to Share:

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this topic. Are you tearing down or building up your marriage?  What are you teaching your children about building a marriage as they observe your words and actions?  What is one specific way you will purpose to build up your marriage this week?  Please share by leaving a comment here or over on my Facebook page, so we might all be encouraged and built up as wives!

If you were blessed or encouraged by this post, please consider sharing it with your friends on Facebook or other social media sites.  Thank you!

Link up:

I'd love to have you link up your blog to mine!  Please link up any past or present posts related to Christian marriage.  Don't forget to link back to my blog!  Thanks!

marriage mondays

Blogs I link up with from week to week:

Happy Wives Club


The Alabaster Jar

Marriage Moment

Growing Home

Courtship Connection


Messy Marriage

Missional Women

Please link up your blog post on marriage below. Where it says "Your Name" enter the title of your blog post, not your personal name! Thanks! :)


RhiannonSTR said...

I absolutely love this! I think every single day we choose to either build up or tear down our marriage. It's a choice in each moment. The very first one "Think good thoughts about your husband" is so key. That's where everything starts. Thank you for a great post!

Chris said...

Thanks for a wonderful and inspiring post. Excellent advice. I love that you focus on marriage at your blog. There are so many DIY and child oriented posts out there ( hey, really good stuff though) that to find a blog that speaks to important issues in a tangible way is so unique and just so helpful.
I have a hard time being quite so honest in my writing. It gets very emotional and really makes you ponder.....I guess this is the reason we write though.
Thanks for hosting Marriage Monday.
I really appreciate it!

God bless

ren said...

Not perfect but, def. on the building up side of things! #'s 9 and 10 (on the building up list)are absolutely essential and my favorites!! Good post- I like lists ;)

Christy Johnson said...

I LOVE your list!!!!! Soo true!!!

busymomof10 said...

Thanks Ladies for the positive feedback! Chris, thank you especially for those encouraging words! :)

Fawn Weaver said...

Yes, yes, yes. Focusing on the good things is so important. What is good, noble, lovely,pure, honorable - these are the things we think about and I am SO happy we do.

Beth said...

Ouch! This was so very convicting, Elizabeth! I know God is using your words to knock off a few rough edges in my relationship with my husband. :) The truth is, I can be found doing things from both lists, but lately I've done more from the wrong one! Yikes! Thanks for the gentle nudge in the right direction and for linking this up at Wedded Wed, my friend!

busymomof10 said...

Thanks Beth for the encouraging feedback! I keep rereading my own lists for the prodding I need to stay on the Building List not the Tearing Down List!! It's a journey, isn't it?

Krista said...

Thanks for this reminder! I also like your link of Bible verse to how we treat our husbands. As a young wife, I was so appalled at how my Christian sisters would sit around and talk about their husbands. I resolved to NEVER turn into one of those wives. Although, I have to say, my husband does make it really easy to want to brag on him instead of nag!!

busymomof10 said...

Thanks for sharing Krista! I love that you RESOLVED to not join the other wives in tearing down their husbands! It is definitely counter-cultural (even in church culture, sadly) to build up and brag on our husbands rather than tear down or complain about them! Hopefully, others will be encouraged by your example to build up their husbands too! :)

Judith said...

This is a triple thanks!!

One - Thanks for an excellent post - I'm Pinning it!!

Two - for hosting the linkup!!

Three - for sharing this over at WholeHearted Home.

PS I'm going to get that button fixed!! :-)

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