Monday, January 26, 2015

Marriage Monday: The Hardest Lesson for a New Wife to Learn {Guest Post}

Welcome back to Marriage Monday!  I'm so glad you've joined me as we focus on strengthening and promoting godly marriages, both in our nation and in our own backyards. 

If you missed last week's post, where I compared marriage to a game of basketball, you can read it here.

This past week I've had the delight of getting to know the daughter of one of my best friends from high school! She's a new wife and a new blogger, who has impressed me with her wisdom and her genuine love for her husband and her Lord!  It is my privilege to share her thoughts with you today!

The Hardest Lesson I Had to Learn as a New Wife ~ Guest Post by Brenley Davis

Without my husband, Richard, I could never get anything off of the top shelf and our house probably would have burned down by now, because I fail to turn off my hot hair straightener every single day. These are just a couple of the ways I need him.

Our husbands are a wonderful blessing in our lives and a gift from God, which I am very thankful for. My husband makes every single day better with his humor and sweet pick-me-ups throughout the day. He helps me in countless ways from operating the technical part of my blog to cleaning the dishes behind me as I prepare dinner. He comforts me when I am sad and protects me when I am afraid. I could fill up this entire post on things Richard does for me on a weekly or even daily basis. Your head is probably overflowing now with the great things your husband does for you… which is fantastic because sometimes these become routine and we begin to take them for granted. Or, sometimes we begin to expect too much of our spouses.

In the very beginning of our marriage, I was overly emotional and needy. Often, I found myself in a bad mood and I could never put my finger on what was bothering me. Nothing obvious triggered these moods; they just happened. I felt lonely, sad, and I was very easily upset. I cried way too much.. at times I even wanted to give up. Lies ran through my head...

….I am a newlywed...I should still be in a honeymoon phase...happy all the time.
….Did I make a mistake?  Why is this so hard?
….What is missing?

The problem wasn’t Richard or being married in general. The problem was me. I had begun to idolize Richard and make him my god. I expected him to meet all of my needs. This has been one of the toughest lessons for me to learn as a new wife: Your husband cannot be your God.

Here are a few of the ways this can happen:

Placing your happiness in your husband’s hands and expecting your husband to make you always feel loved. 

This is a need that our husbands cannot meet no matter how hard they try. Why? Because God made us with a greater need. He made us as spiritual beings who can only be complete in Him. Something will always be missing if you expect your husband to to fill your need for love and happiness.

Obsessing over being the “perfect” wife in the wrong ways

That is putting more time trying to please your husband through what you cook and how spotless your home is than time spent in the Word strengthening your integrity as a wife and woman of God. Your daily time spent with the Lord will make you a better wife while trying to keep a perfect home will only exasperate you.

Expecting your husband to never sin or upset you. 

Your husband is human, which means he is not perfect. He needs grace, just like you do! We are all sinners and we all fall into temptation regularly. The marriage relationship is a great place to visualize and exercise the mercy and forgiveness that Christ gives us. Stop critiquing your husband constantly and starting praying for Him constantly.

Making our spouse our god is wrong in so many ways.  It takes a huge toll on a marriage and your relationship with the Lord. We are to have no gods or idols before Him (Exodus 20:3-4). Marriage is an amazing bond that God created, but many of us twist marriage to fit our expectations or “needs” and turn it into a worldly relationship without even realizing it.  

God must come first in your marriage and in your life in order to be complete and full of joy. Our husbands are meant to parallel Christ and his love for the church with their love for us while we submit to them as the church does to Christ - but they are not supposed to be Christ to us.

Another consequence of depending on your husband to meet all of your needs is that it also leads your husband to feel defeated and inadequate. Our job is to build our husbands up and by expecting the impossible out of them, we are tearing them down. Only God can truly meet all of your needs. God made us with a “God-sized” hole that only He can fill.

And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.  (Philippians 4:19 ESV)

I am a work in progress… sometimes I feel like I take 2 steps forward in this lesson only to take 10 steps backwards. But, I am continually learning and my marriage is continually improving now that my priorities are in line - God first, then my husband second. And, I can only be complete when I seek God on a daily basis.  Seek the Lord with all of your heart before anything else and you will never be disappointed.

Brenley lives in Sumter, SC with the "greatest man in the world," whom she married on May 24, 2014. She absolutely loves being married and learning what it means to grow together as husband and wife!  While she has discovered that marriage is wonderful, she's also learned that it's not all sunshine and butterflies!  It takes spoonfuls of grace!

Brenley shares life lessons she is learning along side easy, healthy, budget-friendly recipes over at her blog, Spoons of Grace. She invites you to join her there!

Your Turn to Share:

What was the hardest lesson you had to learn as a brand new wife?  Please leave a comment here on my blog or over on my Facebook page, so we might all be encouraged! You may also email me at if you wish to share a private testimony or a guest post.

If you were blessed or encouraged by this post, please consider sharing it with your friends on Facebook or other social media sites.  Thank you!

Link up:

I'd love to have you link up your blog to mine!  Please link up any past or present posts related to Christian marriage.  Don't forget to link back to my blog!  Thanks!

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NOTE:  Please link up your blog post on marriage below by entering the url of your specific post.  Where it says "Your Name" enter the title of your blog post, not your personal name!  Thanks!  :)

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Thank you for hosting a party today. God Bless.

Virginia Lieto said...

Thanks for the opportunity share the secret of lasting marital love with your followers. - Peace, Virginia Lieto from

Sarah Jean @ Pretty Simple Ideas said...

Thank you for sharing this! I'm not married but my bf and I are nearing engagement and I've been feeling this way a lot lately. I get upset when I feel he doesn't show love to me, but you're right, that is making him into a god instead of a man.

Renee Birchfield said...

Brenely you got married a couple months before me and at the beginning I felt the same way. It took a while to realize what the problem was, that I needed to focus deeper on my time with God. I try and share some topics and tips about being a new wife as I learn them over at my blog

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